I know this blog isn’t exactly a personal blog about me or my struggles, but I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and I need to get it out. Basically it means I’ve had way too much time on my hands ;).
Anyway, for as long as I can remember I’ve been a people pleaser and to some extent still am. I hate confrontation or anything that makes my adrenaline fire up. I’m not good at saying what needs to be said for fear I’ll be hated or ignored. It’s only been about the last year and half that I’ve cared to be honest and want honesty. I’m sure I’ve always craved it and in the back of my mind wanted it, but I’d run from it and just do anything I could to get things back to the way they were.
Which in return let me harbor a lot of resentment and guilt. Guilt for letting myself not be as important as the person I’m trying to please. Why was I not as important as they were? In reality I was I just never told myself I was. I’ve never had a lot of self confidence and I know that’s one major factor to why I am/was a people pleaser.
I am by no means perfect nor do I claim to be or believe anyone can be. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes (recent and past) and I’ve had my fair share of disappointments the last few year. I’m not going to hide from them and try to fool anyone to thinking otherwise, but I need to move on from them. So I’ve decided I needed to change for the better and become a stronger me mentally and physically. All I know is I want to come out on the other side stronger and better then I was yesterday…